luni, 11 iulie 2011

are YOU a cyber widow?


Am gasit in Daily Mail un articol interesant in care cred ca va regasiti multe/multi! Sper sa aveti rabdare sa-l cititi, chiar daca asta inseamna 10 minute petrecute in fata calculatorului!

Victoria was seven months pregnant with her third child when she took her two young children and left her husband. For three weeks, she stayed with her parents wondering what to do about a marriage that had disintegrated to the extent that she and her husband Craig no longer talked.
Over the previous five months, the man she loved had become so detached and cold that when she looked at him she saw a virtual stranger.
The cause of this breakdown? An affair? A drink problem? No. The internet.
Detalii in continuare! 


‘When Craig came home at night, he’d have something to eat, then he’d open up his laptop to respond to work emails. I fooled myself that because we were in the same room we were still being together. But as the months passed I felt hurt and rejected that he’d spend hours emailing colleagues, but hardly say a word to me.
‘His virtual self became more important than his real self. We didn’t row about it — I’d try to make conversation, get no response and give up. It wasn’t that we weren’t getting on. We just stopped communicating. Then, one evening, he sent an email to me that was meant for a colleague. It wasn’t racy or intimate, but it was flirty and jokey.
‘I felt sick to my stomach. He told me there was nothing in it. I believed him, but I realised he had more intimacy with this woman than he did with me.
‘I know that for some people this wouldn’t have been an issue, but it showed me how distant we’d become. I didn’t know who he was any more. I didn’t know what else to do, so I left.’ 


Victoria’s story is a cautionary tale of the harm technology is causing in relationships.
Technology may be keeping us in touch with the world, but it’s also isolating us from our partners — whether it’s a wife who spends hours on Facebook or a husband who can’t be separated from his BlackBerry or video games (a recent study found that of those wives citing unreasonable behaviour for ending their marriage, 15 per cent felt their partner put computer games before them).
Facebook is cited in one in five divorces, according to lawyers, while a survey by website Divorce Online found that the phrase ‘mobile phone’ occurred in one in eight divorces citing unreasonable behaviour.
‘I call it being “together alone”,’ says relationship therapist Douglas Weiss.
‘These days, people are on their mobiles at dinner; they spend hours on the computer or watching TV; and they are more connected to their Facebook friends than to the person they promised to love and cherish until death do them part.
‘Technology is interrupting our relationships and allowing us to avoid each other. It has become a way of avoiding real relationships and intimacy.
‘Thirty years ago, men would stay late at the office or hide behind their newspaper. Now they can hide behind a phone or laptop.’



Research shows we spend almost half our waking hours online, on the phone or watching TV, with 80 minutes a day spent on text messaging, social networking and emailing.
Psychotherapist and relationship expert Paula Hall, from counselling charity Relate, says technology doesn’t have to result in an affair for it to do damage.
Even seemingly minor habits — such as a partner who is glued to their mobile phone — can have a corrosive effect on your relationship.
‘People feel they have to be contactable to the outside world all the time —that’s affecting the quality of time we spend with our partners,’ says Paula.
‘I have couples coming to me complaining their partners are checking their emails at 1am or can’t go through dinner without texting. It sounds like a little thing, but constantly checking your phone or emails can make your partner feel they are not a priority. What starts off as a source of irritation can become the last straw.’
This is something estate agent Charlotte, from South London, can identify with. Her husband’s Twitter habit has been the source of weekly rows.
‘John joined Twitter about a year ago as a bit of fun. He started telling a few gags to his mates. Before he knew it, he had hundreds, then thousands of followers. Now he is on his mobile phone all the time,’ she says.
‘We never used to argue much, but recently I’ve lost it when I’ve been speaking to him about something that’s important and he looks down to check his stupid Twitter account.
‘I know it doesn’t sound like a big thing, but it’s really hurtful. Why are the people on Twitter more interesting than his wife?
‘We both work long hours and don’t get that much time with each other, so why does he want to spend half that time looking at his phone?
‘When I try talking to him about it, he says I’m over-reacting — but I don’t think I am.’ 
Rochelle Peachey’s husband, Phil, spends so much time on his phone that she’s nicknamed it The Other Woman.
‘We’ve had so many rows about his phone,’ says the 43-year-old entrepreneur from Essex. ‘I could be talking about something big that happened that day, and he’ll start picking up the phone and texting people.
‘When I say “Just listen to me!”, he says he is listening — but I can tell he isn’t really. I can be halfway through a story and he’ll laugh at something someone has texted him. It’s so rude.’
Paula Hall believes our need to keep up with friends —  even ones we haven’t seen since school — is a potentially destructive modern phenomenon.
She says: ‘We are of a generation that thinks friendship is very important. We can spend hours responding to messages on Facebook, even if it means ignoring the loved one sitting right next to us. It can be very isolating when you hear someone read a text and giggle, and you don’t know if you have the right to ask: “Who was that?”’
But if your husband is constantly prioritising virtual friends over you, then it could be a sign there’s a more serious problem in the relationship, says Douglas Weiss.
‘The internet can be seductive for people who have intimacy issues or problems in their marriage,’ he says.
‘It demands so little of you. Just push a button and you can be anyone you want. It’s a complete escape from reality — much easier than real life and real relationships.’



Another study, at Tel Aviv University, concluded that internet addiction should be regarded as a disorder on a par with gambling, sex addiction and kleptomania.
The research showed users were addicted because they become irritable when away from technology — a problem Rochelle Peachey can relate to all too easily.
‘On the rare occasions he forgets his phone, my husband acts like a caged animal — jumpy and irritable,’ she says. ‘When we go on holiday, as soon as the plane touches down his phone is on. God forbid if he can’t get service.
‘At home, we can sit down to watch TV and he’ll put his phone down on the left-hand side. I can count 12 seconds before he’ll pick up the phone and check it. He can’t function without it.’
So what’s the solution? Victoria is back with her husband Craig — and she puts their reunion down to talking openly about the problem.
‘We now know Craig was suffering from depression,’  says Victoria.
‘But neither of us realised this because we never talked about how we were feeling.
‘I think the combination of a stressful job and a young family put a lot of pressure on him, but instead of talking about what he was feeling, he retreated into the fantasy world of the internet.
‘This offered temporary relief, but only made matters worse in the long term because it isolated him. It was the shock of me leaving that made Craig see sense and start talking.
‘On a practical note, we’ve limited our time on the laptop and make an effort to go out together and leave our phones at home.
‘Craig dropped his iPhone the other week and has decided he’s going to get an old-fashioned basic phone with no internet.
‘He almost lost his family for something that wasn’t real. He doesn’t want to go there again.’




11:33 / by / 3 Comments

3 comentarii:

Anonim spunea...

Dap..cam asta se intampla si problema ia amploare. Din ce in ce mai multe culpuri sunt despartite de internet. Stii cum se spune: internetul are puterea sa apropie doi oameni aflati la departare si sa desparta doi oameni apropiati. Sincer, imi doresc sa ma fi nascut acum vreo 100-200 de ani, sau poate chiar mai mult. Nu de lata dar vad cum imi afecteaza mie relatia internetul. Lumea si viata era mult mai simpla inainte. Sunt curioasa cum o sa ajungem peste 10-20 ani.

vdaiana spunea...

Din pacate Anonim a spus-o foarte bine, nici nu mai am ce sa adaug. :(

modniza spunea...

adevarat ,dar triiiist...

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